My thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey, and What I think you should read instead…or also.

Disclaimer: Not for anyone under 18.  Please.  You have been warned.  We are all adults here.

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I was watching TV today (which is my first mistake), and I saw probably the fifteenth different segment talking about how Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James was changing the sex lives of women and their husbands.  I suppose this isn’t too unusual, considering how much publicity this book (and subsequent sequels) is getting.  My head exploded when I realized they were talking about it on Dr. Oz. That’s right; Dr. Oz has read Fifty Shades of Grey. 

I have read this book, and the sequels.  They are very sexually explicit, and erotic.  I will not deny either of those points.  I can see how they can be used to spice up sex lives.  The idea of exploring your sexual limits and playing out the roles of a submissive and a dominant can be very exciting.  I have no problem at all with any of that.  I think two consenting adults should be able to dabble in any and all things sex without fear of repercussion.

My problem is with the way Ana and Christian related to each other outside of the bedroom.  I am fearful that woman will read this and think Christian controlling EVERY DETAIL AND ASPECT of Ana’s life is OK.  It’s not.  I know this book is modeled after Twilight, and I had the same problem with that book too.

I can hear you all rolling your eyes at me.  You are all screaming, “Well, if you are so smart, what should we read instead?”  I have an answer. 

I wrestled with comparing these two series before I starting writing this.  The books I am going to talk about could be considered very controversial in their own right.  I don’t want to damage the good name of the writer that I adore by making this comparison, but as I was reading Fifty Shades, these were the stories I kept coming back to.  They are very sexy books that explore many of the different aspects of sexual pleasure while telling a fantastic story about some very strong characters.

I am talking about the Kushiel’s Legacy series by Jacqueline Carey.  These nine books, (Yes, nine.  Three trilogies actually.) are some of the best I have read.  They cover a lot of sexual fantasy type things that may be lingering in the backs of mommy’s minds everywhere. The difference between these books and the Fifty Shades series is the characters.  The men and women in these books are in control of their own lives.  Very in control.  The choose what to wear, who they are with, where they go, how they travel, what they eat, the friends they see, EVERYTHING.  Every decision they make, even ones regarding their sexual relationships, are their own. 

Now, I can hear you all tapping away at your keyboards and looking up these books.  Some of you are even researching what they are about.  A few of you are shocked at what you find.  Let’s get that conversation out of the way.

You: You say you like this book better than Fifty Shades of Grey?  *Holds up Kushiel’s Dart*

Me: Yup, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

You: But, there is “prostitution” in this book.

Me: Yes there is.

You: There is homosexuality in here too.  Not just lesbians, but gay men too.

Me: That’s a fact.

You: People like pain in here?

Me: Yes, some give it, others receive it.

You: There is even a reference to a made up religion that is very similar to, and has roots in, something I already believe in, and it makes me uncomfortable.

Me: A true statement indeed.

You: Then why on earth would I want to read it?

Me: You might not want to. 

You: Why are we having this conversation again?

I don’t want to force anyone to read something that might go against something very fundamentally important to them.  I do, however, want to encourage people to read something outside of their comfort zone if it might benefit them.  People are reading Fifty Shades because it is helping to spice up their sex lives.  I believe Kushiel’s Dart could do the same thing.

In Terre d'Ange, everyone is encouraged to “love as thou wilt.” In fact, it is the basis of their faith.  There are houses of pleasure that make up the heart of the economy that cater to each and every aspect of pleasure, sexual and otherwise.  The people of Terre d'Ange do pay for these services.  It is a form of prostitution, and in some cases, servitude.  That can be a little hard to look past, and I respect that.  The main difference is everyone that is involved with the “court of the night blooming flowers” makes their own choices.  They choose who they see, the patrons they take in, the acts they preform, and even if they continue in the service.  To have that taken away from them is a sin.

The main character in Kushiel’s Dart, Phèdre nó Delaunay, is such a strong woman.  She fights through all of the books she is in to do right, to learn more, and most of all, stay true to who she is.  She learns how to read people, and becomes quite good at it.  Good enough that she acts as a “spy”.  She works to avenge those who took care of her when they are taken away too soon.   She becomes fluent in languages quickly, and works as an ambassador of sorts, for her government before her adventures are through.  She falls in love, in her own time, in her own way, to a man that accepts her for who she is.  He would never dream of trying to make her into something she isn’t.

That doesn’t even cover the sex and erotic fantasy covered in these books. I won’t go into too much detail, but if that is what you are looking for, it’s here.  I will caution you by saying there is a lot of BDSM.  Some, in fact, is quite violent. It might not be for everyone, but that is true of most things I suppose.

That said, I don’t believe the Fifty Shades books are all bad.  The underlying story is what kept me reading through the entire series.  Once you get past all the Dom/Sub crap, and Christian being the possessive ass hat that he is, you will find that he is just a broken little boy looking for someone to put him back together. The way in which he found to cope with his broken-ness, was obviously wrong on so many levels.  At the time, though, he really didn’t know that.  All he saw in himself was someone who was unworthy of love, and only knew pain.  This is enough to break anyone.

Ana, through most of the story, seems like a bit of a damp wash rag to me.  She is willing to go along with anything thrown her way, just as long as Christian says it’s what he wants.  It took a long time for her to realize her limits, and take action to stop Christian before things went too far.

I HATE that she allowed him to take over so much of her life.  Before they even went on their first date, he knew her entire family history, her job, her bank account information, everything.  He could pull any string or push any button and change her entire life without her permission!  When she tried to get a job separate from his company, he bought the company.  When she tried to visit her mom, he showed up at the hotel.  He forced her to go on hormonal birth control when he tired of using condoms!!!!!!! In a later book, he cried, whined, got pissed off, and used sex to get her to change her name after they got married!!!  This is wrong! 

OK, I know this is fiction.  I understand that many of you reading this book are going to tell me that just because it makes you all hot and bothered, doesn’t mean it’s going to change how you allow men to treat you.  To you I say thank you.  There are women, and young ladies, that will allow it to change their perception.  This is what I worry about. 

There are women out there that are already in bad relationships that are going to look at this story and say, “You know, I like this kind of sexual stuff too.  Perhaps I should let a man control every aspect of our relationship just to get the sexual release I want.”  NO!!! DO NOT DO THIS THING!!!  You can have your sexual desires met without giving up control of your life.  There are men that are willing to play out your fantasies, and theirs too, without cutting you off from the things that make you YOU!!!!  No one other person, whether you are sexually compatible with them or not, should keep you from the things, people, and pastimes you love!  THIS IS ABUSE!!  AAAHHHRRRGGGGG!! &%&#*(&^$*$#()^&#@*)^&$*#)*^_)#@&$(*&_*(^&$*_(*_%&#(*@!!!!

OK, I’m better now.

Look, I realize that Kushiel’s Dart and the rest of Jacqueline Carey’s series could be classified as messed up, much of Fifty Shades of Grey, and the rest of E L James’ series.  I just want women (and men too) to know that there are other books out there that may get you the desired results that don’t lead you to believe that all relationships work that way.  Edward controlled Bella in Twilight.  Christian controls Ana in Fifty Shades of Grey.  No one controls Phèdre, any more than she lets them, in Kushiel’s Dart.

The moral of my story is: If you are into erotic stories, and you want something different, and I think better, pick up one of Jacqueline Carey’s books.  Please.

I am going to go eat a cookie and pet my dog now.